Right now all I feel like doing is crying. I am not really sure either. Maybe I miss my friends from Cedarville. Maybe I am overwhelmed because I still don't have everything done. I don't know why I am so low right now. I just want this annoying feeling to go away. I want to do so many things at once, but I can only do one. I am probably making no sense, because I really don't even know how I feel right now. Maybe I should just lay down for awhile. I just wanted to blog and keep you guys updated. I am sorry that sometimes I don't feel like writing the details of my life down. It seems like when I want to write those things down, I don't have time. When I have to time to write everything down, I don't want to do it anymore.
I got a job today. My first job. I am a working woman now! I work with my mom (tough stuff). I am a barista. It's a lot of work but it is really rewarding. I am glad I could get this job. It has been a dream of mine to work in a coffee shop or a bookstore. I got new shoes so my feet were really hurting the whole time.
Gosh you guys have no idea how bad I feel because I promise to write about my life and I don't. I can't. Its like I get on here and I lose all interest in talking about what happened in my day. I am just really overwhelmed. There are so many things I want to do. I feel like a horrible friend, family member and Christian because I don't have the time and energy to do everything I want to. I want to do everything. I want to be the best person I can be. I want to pray for EVERY single prayer request someone I love has. I want to have time to talk to all my friends about their problems. I want to make a difference in someones life, but I get too overwhelmed. I want to do so much than what I do now. I want to CHANGE THE WORLD. I want to give all my money to the homeless, but I have to pay off loans. I want to sponsor a child in Africa, but I have to pay off money that I owe people. I have to put myself through driving school. I want to live solely for God and His plans but that overwhelms to point that I am paralyzed. God can't use me when I am like a deer in headlights; just standing there not knowing what to do. There I go crying again. Maybe I need rest. I don't know what to do with myself. Maybe it's because I have been fighting with God. I think he wants me to go to Cedarville. I don't know if I want to, even though I love the place and the people. I'm scared that I might miss something if I don't go to Princeton or Bucknell. Wait, but won't God have something better planned for me. Something that surpasses anything I could have ever thought would be the best college experience. Fine, right here, right now. I made my choice. If I get accepted to Cedarville, I am going. I give my dreams of prestige colleges to you, God.
Well, I am going to rest now.
Brenna
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