Oh My Gosh! I'm a college student!

Hey all!

I am sorry for lack of updates. Like always, each time I want to get on here to write, I get distracted or I run out of time. I have time now, so I will give you the "low-down" on my college life and how I am coping. How shall I start? Everything is so new and different. Things are different everyday. One day I am totally loving every aspect, then the next I want to be home lounging in my PJs. I think I will have to break down my thoughts into categories for me to tell you guys most of it.

Classes- Some of the classes that I thought would be hard are actually easier then I thought. Then the classes I was not as worried about are scarier then I thought. My favorite class so far is either Intro to Communication Arts or Transitions. They are both fairly easy classes with little to no homework. The hardest class is Intro to Media Writing. That is the class related to my major: Journalism. It's quite a scary class. My first assignment due the first week of class was a 500 word feature story on a article on the current state of journalism. I had slaved and cried over, and I still don't have a grade yet. I am hoping to get some kind of feedback soon. There are two good things about this class though. One, it's in a awesome room. It's called the "News Lab" and it was built just for us journalism students. Aren't we special? There are 3 or 4 rows of long desks and each chair has a Apple computer. (They are really expensive yet wonderful computers.) The other thing I like about the class is that it is small. There are only about 10 or 12 journalist majors so far at Cedarville. I hope that means that we can become close friends as we are the pioneers of journalism at Cedarville. But, I think this class will challenge me and pretty much decide my future. If I can't handle this class, I won't be able to handle Journalism.

Friends- I do have some friends already. I don't have any "best friends" but that is only a matter of time. It's scary to go in the cafeteria and not no where to sit, but I have met the nicest and coolest people just by sitting down with them randomly. I guess that is something you have to do in college. You have to choose to meet people and be a little bit more out there then you usually are. My unit is getting pretty close and I get along great with our co-unit next door. We actually have a RA just for the two units and she is super cool. Some of the girls have been calling her mommy but I just call her Faith for now. We also have brother units and they are also really nice and cool. We did not know how they would be because they are from the "geeky" dorms but we grew to love them. They will be very cool brothers. Some of them are even cute.. hehe... Yes, speaking of cute guys, I am not dating anyone yet, but I have found some cute guy that I would like to get to know better. I'll let you know any developments. :)

God- Chapel has been an amazing thing since I have been here. I am so glad that I chose a Christian college. You can just tell that God is with us here. I am going to watch a Gilmore Girls marathon with my units now! TTYL. I will get a chance to finish everything tomorrow.

College is finally here...

Right now, I am sitting in my unit lounge. It's actually pretty nice.. It has a couch thing and a chair. They are pretty comfy, so I can't complain. It's also pretty good size. It's all tile but it's pretty homey. You might want to know about my room then. Or maybe, I should start with my dorm.. It's my dream come true.. It's not the prettiest or most high tech, but it has a nice size courtyard. You have to get into the courtyard to get into the units. Once you get into the units, there is the lounge, a bathroom, and four rooms. I am in room C. It's a pretty nice room. I have most of my stuff organized, but I still have tomorrow with my family to help me. I will get a bookshelf and microwave. Oh, and I shower caddy.. And some snacks. I am going to be all set for college life.. Now, I just need to adjust to new people. I am having a hard time trying to make friends and being outgoing. I am sure that will get better over time, but I still feel bad about it. Well, I will write a little more later. I have to look at my schedule for tomorrow. It's hectic..

P.S.- The campus is so pretty. There are no words to describe it. When I arrived and saw it, I cried.

How do we know?

How do we know what Gods wants us to do? How do we know if we are doing what he wants us to do? If are taking a certain path, how do we know we are right with God? How can we be sure we are following him? These are the questions I am fighting with this morning. As I am going off to college, I have become more overwhelmed then I ever though I could be. My life is in the balance, and I don't really know where I am going. Sometimes, I don't know who I am. Things get confusing and then I just breakdown. I don't like it. I want to be unbreakable and strong and be able to take everything that comes. Sometimes, I just feel so weak and helpless.

Ya know, as I am typing this, I am thinking of these things, God has already answered my questions. Who am I? I am a child of god. God has great things planned for me. I am struggling to figure out what I should be doing and if God is using me. I want to be used. I want to change the world, but I don't have the chances that other people do. I don't know how can use me with what I have now. I love how God uses simple things to get his is point across. I got this email yesterday. I have signed up for a daily encouraging word from K-love. "Be thankful in all circumstances, for this is God's will for you who belong to Christ Jesus.

~ 1 Thessalonians 5:18, NLT" He is telling me that I am where he has made me to be. I need to be happy and content with where I am, because I don't know His will. I just have to let life unfold everyday and pray for chances to make a difference. This is what I got today. This made me cry. "And we are confident that he hears us whenever we ask for anything that pleases him.

~ 1 John 5:14, NLT" He hears me when I am crying out to Him when I am weak and ready to just give up. I am glad he hears when I cry out for help to do His Will.

A week and a day later..

Wow.. See, I post again soon after the last one.. I was not going to, but then I had inspiration and so I decided I would. In order to get something done, I have to just do it. I can't set times or say I will do it later. I like to put things off to the last minute.. hehe..

So, I was about to graduate last time I posted. Well, I did graduate, with honors and a $500 scholarships.. I also graduated with blisters. I had to wear formal shoes and I don't ever wear nice, formal shoes. I always wear running shoes. Well, the backs of these shoes cut and rubbed into my heal. They actually rubbed my heal raw and when the ceremony was over, I looked to see why they hurt; they were almost bleeding. So, that was loads of fun. But, they are all healed now. No more blisters.. just scabs. Other then that, the ceremony was awesome! I was so amazed the whole time.. "Wait, Am I really here already?" I mean, I counted down the days ever since the beginning of the year. For it to be right in front of me was insane. But, I soaked up every minute of it. Even my uncle told me I had the "graduate" look.

Now, that graduation is over, college is really coming. I am getting super excited and super worried. It's really coming.. In TWO months (almost) I will be on campus ready for my first year. Two months! That's not very long at all. That's not even a full season. It will still be summer when I arrive on campus. I am a little scared about it actually. I can't turn back. I already have my major selected (Journalism), my deposit in and aid award finalized. Wanna know something amazing?! I have it all paid for.. Well sorta.. I needed about 10 thousand more and I applied for a private loan. I was approved! Now I am waiting for documents so it can be sent to my school. But, this means I won't have to worry. All I have to worry about now is graduated from college so I will have a job to pay off these loans. But, my first year of college is possible! Crazy?! I spend so many days and hours crying out to God wondering how I was ever going to afford it. Now, I look back and wonder how I could ever have such little faith. I once felt like I was drowning and like there was no hope for my dreams. In God's timing, not mine, He made everything perfect. He turned a seemingly impossible situation and blessed me more then I thought He would. I am always so impatient. I usually want to see things happen NOW. I don't like "wait and see." I have had to learn so much of that this past year, these past months. Even though I hated it, I waited. It has finally paid off because God knew what he was doing. His timing is always perfect. It's never late and never early.

Well, I am gonna do some reading or just relax. I am very tired and sore. I might even sleep.

Over and out,
Brenna

About to Graduate!

Well, you know me, you already know that I graduated early and I have my diploma. But, today is the ceremony. I can't blog for very long, but I wanted to try to put down some of my feelings at this time. OH My gosh.. I am jittery and I have a stomach ache. Part of me does not even realize that I am doing this. I am going to be there at the stadium and wonder why I am in a cap and gown. Is this really happening? I have looked forward to this day since the beginning of high school. I have thought of many different scenarios and now it seems like it will different then I had ever thought. I am happy, scared, worried, anxious, overjoyed and just a wild mix of emotions. But, here I go.. I am ready to officially become part of the graduating class of 2008.

Please Don't Hate Me..

I really have been busy. I try to make the time to just set aside 30 minutes to updating this blog but it is hard to find that. I am trying to find money for college, find a job, work online (more about that in a minute) and just live life. It is getting harder and harder, but it is also more exciting. I don't have time to do the things I used to do, and I know I am neglecting a lot of things: friends (some offline, lots online..), reading, preparing academically for college, TV Shows, message boards, writing.. Just lots of things.. I know I can't get everything done and have time for everything.. but find balance is hard to learn and adjust. And now.. on to what I have been doing..

Accomplishments-

I swam by myself for a little while. It was really scary at first, but then I did not want to stop. I swam in front of the pool wall so if I felt like I was going to sink, I could grab onto the ledge. It was fun though. I was just thinking that I had to try it.. "It is now or never." So I did it.. not just treading water.. (which I am doing really good at..) but actually kicking and moving through the water with my arms and legs. After we got out of the pool, I was shaking. I could not stop shaking and laughing. I did not think I was going to do that. I have always been fearful of swimming, so for me to swim like that was out of my comfort zone. It was amazing, and I was very proud of myself.

I convinced financial aid to give me more money.. Well, there was a mistake on the FAFSA. The government actually owed me more money with the Pell Grant. It was their mistake and so I looked into it and found out enough information to tell them what happened. I told them about it and I was not sure they would do anything.. They told me they would look into it though.. The next day, I checked my online award and I 500 dollars more in that Pell Grant. It was a "God Thing" because he helped me see the problem and he helped them see it too.

I got a job online.. ChaCha.. It is a service that answers your from your phone. You text them a question and you get a live answer back, usually in about 3 minutes. The people that answer the questions are called Guides. I am a proud ChaCha Guide. I actually earn .20 for every question. I have made 225 dollars since starting a month ago. I am glad I found a way to make extra money because I need every penny I earn. Without this job, I don't think I would have been able to make a deposit for college. So, if you want to, you can use ChaCha and help me go to college. . Also, if you want to become a ChaCha Guide and earn a little extra money answering questions (it can be really fun.. trust me..) leave a comment and I will help you become one. It's really simple and it is worth it.

Hardships-

Not everything this past month and this month has been fun and rewarding.. I have struggled more then I feel I have ever struggled (at least it feels like it.) Finding money for college is so stressful and sometimes I feel as if it is impossible. Sometimes I feel like I drowning in a sea of doubt. Sometimes I don't feel I am working hard enough or doing enough, but I know I am trying my best. Most of the time I just cry because I want this so bad, and I just don't know how I can make it work. I am trusting God with it, but I get scared that this is not where He wants me to me. There are have been so many "God Things" with this college, but things change so fast.. I just hope and pray that He will lead me to where I need to go. I know he will never leave me or abandon me, and it seems like I need him more then ever.

Once again.. I am dreadfully sorry for forgetting about you all.. Just know that I am trying my best and I still care for those who read this..

Talk to ya all later,
Brenna

P.S- I think I might have poison Ivy rash. Sound fun, right? It is..

Easter Sunday

Hey all!

If you want to listen to some music while you are here, I found some radio stations that you can play right here on this page. I thought that was kind of neat. They also have a TV, but then you would not read my posts. You would be watching TV then. So, I got the TV thing for my self. I put it on my Google page. It is pretty neat how we can do all these things in one spot. It is really anymore simpler then before though? Oooo, I just found a new gadget for my page. It is kind of fun to see what it out there for websites.

So, It is Easter today, and our church had too services. One at 8:30am and 10:30 am. I had to sing for both of them. It was sort of tiring, but it was different. I did not get breakfast before the first service. I had to wait till it was over to eat. Then, I felt much more alive and I think I did better the second time around.

Easter is really special to me, but sometimes I don't understand all the hype over one day. We are supposed to celebrate Jesus everyday. It is good to devote one day to celebrating but it should not be made a once a year thing. Let's celebrate the fact that Christ died for us everyday!

Happy Easter all!

Brenna

Radio

Is winter over yet?

Do you like my snowman? I make it when the big snowstorm came through where I live. We got about 7 inches. It was pretty crazy, but I was glad to be able to just stay home and enjoy the snow from outside. Well, except when we had to shovel. I really don't like shoveling. My sisters don't mind it, but I would rather do many other things. But while we were outside, we had a snowball fight (where my youngest got my face) and we tried to build a snowman. "It looks more like a mountain," says the youngest. I agree, but it is harder to make those snowmen you see in movies or even down the street. It takes alot of time and I just don't have that much time anymore.

And now I will talk about the things that take up my time.

First, I am trying to apply to scholarships and all that jazz. Oh, it is fun stuff. I turned in the FAFSA, but they need verification so we need to send in our tax returns and W2s. Yes, since I worked last year, I got to file a tax return. I got all 22 dollars back. Oh, well.. It's some money. I used it to buy one of my closest friends a birthday gift. Back to scholarships though.. I have been applying but I have not received any official money yet. This sort of worries me sometimes. I don't have any other place to go if I can't afford my dream college. I don't want to go to a community college. I really think God wants me at this college, but I am having a hard time trusting that He will provide the funds. I just have to have faith and just keep doing what I am doing, I guess.

It has been sort of weird since I have graduated. I just don't know what to do during the day sometimes. I will read, clean my room or just do other things that make me feel productive. And then, telling people I have graduated is sort of weird. A part of me forgets that I graduated early and its not May yet and the other part thinks I am still a senior. I have my diploma now though. I thought it would be bigger but I am still really happy. It is on our fireplace so it is on display. I am pretty proud, but still humbled, knowing that I never thought I could do it. God thought I could though. Sometimes, I am still trying to figure out what the purpose of graduating early is. I probably won't have a job until summer anyway. I don't know.. It's not like I miss high school, but I wish I knew what I was supposed to do now.

Well, I am glad I could find the time to write here. I miss it sometimes. You know what's funny? Every day I think about the things I could write about here, but I don't make the time to actually write them. I would love to just write about everything from college worries to American Idol, but by the time I still down to write them out, I don't do it. It is kind of strange but I guess that is the way I am wired. I think too much.. :)

BTW- About American Idol. My favorites are David A, Brook, David C, Jason C, Carly and Micheal. Wow, that is like half of the top 12. Hehehe. My sister is like the biggest David A fan and she goes nuts on the American Idol message boards. In case you guys don't remember or know who David A is...


Over and Out,
Brenna

I think it may be time for a new blog post..

Okay, I am going to stop applogizing for not updating my blog here. I usually start off with that every post, because lately I have been only posting maybe once or twice a month. So, yeah. I try my best, but sometimes I forget or I do something else when I finally do remember.

So, I do remember that I wanted to tell you guys if I could graduate early or not. I could and I did. I am a high school graduate even though I don't brag about it as much as I did when I first found out. I posted it everywhere. I told some of my friends, but there are still poeple that have no idea. They will probably be mad if I did not tell them. I hope not. I am still waiting for my diploma. Everything happened so fast. I was planning on finished my year with Pyshics and Spanish, but then I realized I have all my credits. Within that week, I was making phone calls and writing emails to make sure everything was OK for me to graduate. It was and I could not believe it. I still have a hard time when people ask me what school I go to or what grade I am in.

About driving.. I have had two formal lessons with an instructer so far. It has been really scary, yet really fun. The first time I went out, I felt like I was going to pass out. I had a death grip on the steering wheel and the intructer kept telling me to relax. I could not even think about relaxing. I was going 55 down a country road! I could feel the car moving agianst the wind. When I was in the cities and towns, it was better because I did not have to go as fast. Oh, but I hate the turns. Left turns make me really nervous. I also have a habit of riding the break while making a turn, so by the time the turn is over, I am stopped. Then I have to turn the steering wheel back to center. The second time I when driving, I hit the curb because I accelorated while I still had the steering wheel to the right. I learned at that point that I need the let go of the steering wheel after I make a turn. The steering wheel will go back to center by itself. I feel a little bit better about driving now, but I don't think it will become my favorite activity for a while yet.

Well, I need to get back to doing some work. I still have quite a bit of work to do do.

TTYL,
Brenna

Life's the most intense roller coaster..

Hey all,

I am quite sorry it has been so long. With the new year bring new ways to be busy. I know that I need to make a little more time to just write here, cuz I know that the few people who actually read this love it.

Well, I am doing well. This past week has been wild because it was the last week of the first semester in school. I was racing to get everything turned in by Friday. I was three weeks behind in English and I only had ONE week. I was really stressing and worrying. I look back now and laugh because I got it all done with two hours to spare. (I had until Midnight) I am so relieved and I have just been vegging out since. I could def. use some relax time after all that. Something also pretty crazy is that I have all my credits needed to graduate. I have passed the required testing too. I am eligible to graduate now. It's pretty surreal. I am actually going to talk to my counselor next week to see if I can just be done with high school or take only one class. Can you imagine? I might be able to graduate a semester early! Then I could spend more time preparing for college and maybe get a full time job. I will make sure I let you know what she says.

I am not been doing any driving yet this year. I think it might have something to do with the last time I drove, I crashed into our fence. Oh, I did not tell you about that? Yep, I knocked down the metal fence in front of the house. I might see if I can put up a picture later. We have fixed it yet. It looks pretty funny. What happened was I coming into our driveway too fast and my dad told me to put my put on the brake. He was screaming "Brake. Brake!" Well, I moved my put over to the accelerator instead. I sped into the fence and I never saw it comming. I braked then, of course! I could have ran into the swingset and then the house if I forgot to brake. I laughed and then I cried and then I laughed again. I still have mixed feelings when I look at it.

The other things that go on have been pretty normal. Right now I am watching a movie with my sister. We are watching Flicka. It is a movie about horses and my sister loves horses. It is actually pretty hard to watch the movie and try to post here. It's kind of funny how if I am writing I forget the movie and if I am watching to movie I forget about the............... oh I am writing this.. I was watching the movie. Well, I better get going and finish watching the movie. I can't really.................pay attention to two things at once.

TTYL,
Brenna