How do we know what Gods wants us to do? How do we know if we are doing what he wants us to do? If are taking a certain path, how do we know we are right with God? How can we be sure we are following him? These are the questions I am fighting with this morning. As I am going off to college, I have become more overwhelmed then I ever though I could be. My life is in the balance, and I don't really know where I am going. Sometimes, I don't know who I am. Things get confusing and then I just breakdown. I don't like it. I want to be unbreakable and strong and be able to take everything that comes. Sometimes, I just feel so weak and helpless.
Ya know, as I am typing this, I am thinking of these things, God has already answered my questions. Who am I? I am a child of god. God has great things planned for me. I am struggling to figure out what I should be doing and if God is using me. I want to be used. I want to change the world, but I don't have the chances that other people do. I don't know how can use me with what I have now. I love how God uses simple things to get his is point across. I got this email yesterday. I have signed up for a daily encouraging word from K-love. "Be thankful in all circumstances, for this is God's will for you who belong to Christ Jesus.
~ 1 Thessalonians 5:18, NLT" He is telling me that I am where he has made me to be. I need to be happy and content with where I am, because I don't know His will. I just have to let life unfold everyday and pray for chances to make a difference. This is what I got today. This made me cry. "And we are confident that he hears us whenever we ask for anything that pleases him.
~ 1 John 5:14, NLT" He hears me when I am crying out to Him when I am weak and ready to just give up. I am glad he hears when I cry out for help to do His Will.
Friday, August 1, 2008
Sunday, June 8, 2008
A week and a day later..
Wow.. See, I post again soon after the last one.. I was not going to, but then I had inspiration and so I decided I would. In order to get something done, I have to just do it. I can't set times or say I will do it later. I like to put things off to the last minute.. hehe..
So, I was about to graduate last time I posted. Well, I did graduate, with honors and a $500 scholarships.. I also graduated with blisters. I had to wear formal shoes and I don't ever wear nice, formal shoes. I always wear running shoes. Well, the backs of these shoes cut and rubbed into my heal. They actually rubbed my heal raw and when the ceremony was over, I looked to see why they hurt; they were almost bleeding. So, that was loads of fun. But, they are all healed now. No more blisters.. just scabs. Other then that, the ceremony was awesome! I was so amazed the whole time.. "Wait, Am I really here already?" I mean, I counted down the days ever since the beginning of the year. For it to be right in front of me was insane. But, I soaked up every minute of it. Even my uncle told me I had the "graduate" look.
Now, that graduation is over, college is really coming. I am getting super excited and super worried. It's really coming.. In TWO months (almost) I will be on campus ready for my first year. Two months! That's not very long at all. That's not even a full season. It will still be summer when I arrive on campus. I am a little scared about it actually. I can't turn back. I already have my major selected (Journalism), my deposit in and aid award finalized. Wanna know something amazing?! I have it all paid for.. Well sorta.. I needed about 10 thousand more and I applied for a private loan. I was approved! Now I am waiting for documents so it can be sent to my school. But, this means I won't have to worry. All I have to worry about now is graduated from college so I will have a job to pay off these loans. But, my first year of college is possible! Crazy?! I spend so many days and hours crying out to God wondering how I was ever going to afford it. Now, I look back and wonder how I could ever have such little faith. I once felt like I was drowning and like there was no hope for my dreams. In God's timing, not mine, He made everything perfect. He turned a seemingly impossible situation and blessed me more then I thought He would. I am always so impatient. I usually want to see things happen NOW. I don't like "wait and see." I have had to learn so much of that this past year, these past months. Even though I hated it, I waited. It has finally paid off because God knew what he was doing. His timing is always perfect. It's never late and never early.
Well, I am gonna do some reading or just relax. I am very tired and sore. I might even sleep.
Over and out,
Brenna
So, I was about to graduate last time I posted. Well, I did graduate, with honors and a $500 scholarships.. I also graduated with blisters. I had to wear formal shoes and I don't ever wear nice, formal shoes. I always wear running shoes. Well, the backs of these shoes cut and rubbed into my heal. They actually rubbed my heal raw and when the ceremony was over, I looked to see why they hurt; they were almost bleeding. So, that was loads of fun. But, they are all healed now. No more blisters.. just scabs. Other then that, the ceremony was awesome! I was so amazed the whole time.. "Wait, Am I really here already?" I mean, I counted down the days ever since the beginning of the year. For it to be right in front of me was insane. But, I soaked up every minute of it. Even my uncle told me I had the "graduate" look.
Now, that graduation is over, college is really coming. I am getting super excited and super worried. It's really coming.. In TWO months (almost) I will be on campus ready for my first year. Two months! That's not very long at all. That's not even a full season. It will still be summer when I arrive on campus. I am a little scared about it actually. I can't turn back. I already have my major selected (Journalism), my deposit in and aid award finalized. Wanna know something amazing?! I have it all paid for.. Well sorta.. I needed about 10 thousand more and I applied for a private loan. I was approved! Now I am waiting for documents so it can be sent to my school. But, this means I won't have to worry. All I have to worry about now is graduated from college so I will have a job to pay off these loans. But, my first year of college is possible! Crazy?! I spend so many days and hours crying out to God wondering how I was ever going to afford it. Now, I look back and wonder how I could ever have such little faith. I once felt like I was drowning and like there was no hope for my dreams. In God's timing, not mine, He made everything perfect. He turned a seemingly impossible situation and blessed me more then I thought He would. I am always so impatient. I usually want to see things happen NOW. I don't like "wait and see." I have had to learn so much of that this past year, these past months. Even though I hated it, I waited. It has finally paid off because God knew what he was doing. His timing is always perfect. It's never late and never early.
Well, I am gonna do some reading or just relax. I am very tired and sore. I might even sleep.
Over and out,
Brenna
Saturday, May 31, 2008
About to Graduate!
Well, you know me, you already know that I graduated early and I have my diploma. But, today is the ceremony. I can't blog for very long, but I wanted to try to put down some of my feelings at this time. OH My gosh.. I am jittery and I have a stomach ache. Part of me does not even realize that I am doing this. I am going to be there at the stadium and wonder why I am in a cap and gown. Is this really happening? I have looked forward to this day since the beginning of high school. I have thought of many different scenarios and now it seems like it will different then I had ever thought. I am happy, scared, worried, anxious, overjoyed and just a wild mix of emotions. But, here I go.. I am ready to officially become part of the graduating class of 2008.
Friday, May 9, 2008
Please Don't Hate Me..
I really have been busy. I try to make the time to just set aside 30 minutes to updating this blog but it is hard to find that. I am trying to find money for college, find a job, work online (more about that in a minute) and just live life. It is getting harder and harder, but it is also more exciting. I don't have time to do the things I used to do, and I know I am neglecting a lot of things: friends (some offline, lots online..), reading, preparing academically for college, TV Shows, message boards, writing.. Just lots of things.. I know I can't get everything done and have time for everything.. but find balance is hard to learn and adjust. And now.. on to what I have been doing..
Accomplishments-
I swam by myself for a little while. It was really scary at first, but then I did not want to stop. I swam in front of the pool wall so if I felt like I was going to sink, I could grab onto the ledge. It was fun though. I was just thinking that I had to try it.. "It is now or never." So I did it.. not just treading water.. (which I am doing really good at..) but actually kicking and moving through the water with my arms and legs. After we got out of the pool, I was shaking. I could not stop shaking and laughing. I did not think I was going to do that. I have always been fearful of swimming, so for me to swim like that was out of my comfort zone. It was amazing, and I was very proud of myself.
I convinced financial aid to give me more money.. Well, there was a mistake on the FAFSA. The government actually owed me more money with the Pell Grant. It was their mistake and so I looked into it and found out enough information to tell them what happened. I told them about it and I was not sure they would do anything.. They told me they would look into it though.. The next day, I checked my online award and I 500 dollars more in that Pell Grant. It was a "God Thing" because he helped me see the problem and he helped them see it too.
I got a job online.. ChaCha.. It is a service that answers your from your phone. You text them a question and you get a live answer back, usually in about 3 minutes. The people that answer the questions are called Guides. I am a proud ChaCha Guide. I actually earn .20 for every question. I have made 225 dollars since starting a month ago. I am glad I found a way to make extra money because I need every penny I earn. Without this job, I don't think I would have been able to make a deposit for college. So, if you want to, you can use ChaCha and help me go to college. . Also, if you want to become a ChaCha Guide and earn a little extra money answering questions (it can be really fun.. trust me..) leave a comment and I will help you become one. It's really simple and it is worth it.
Hardships-
Not everything this past month and this month has been fun and rewarding.. I have struggled more then I feel I have ever struggled (at least it feels like it.) Finding money for college is so stressful and sometimes I feel as if it is impossible. Sometimes I feel like I drowning in a sea of doubt. Sometimes I don't feel I am working hard enough or doing enough, but I know I am trying my best. Most of the time I just cry because I want this so bad, and I just don't know how I can make it work. I am trusting God with it, but I get scared that this is not where He wants me to me. There are have been so many "God Things" with this college, but things change so fast.. I just hope and pray that He will lead me to where I need to go. I know he will never leave me or abandon me, and it seems like I need him more then ever.
Once again.. I am dreadfully sorry for forgetting about you all.. Just know that I am trying my best and I still care for those who read this..
Talk to ya all later,
Brenna
P.S- I think I might have poison Ivy rash. Sound fun, right? It is..
Accomplishments-
I swam by myself for a little while. It was really scary at first, but then I did not want to stop. I swam in front of the pool wall so if I felt like I was going to sink, I could grab onto the ledge. It was fun though. I was just thinking that I had to try it.. "It is now or never." So I did it.. not just treading water.. (which I am doing really good at..) but actually kicking and moving through the water with my arms and legs. After we got out of the pool, I was shaking. I could not stop shaking and laughing. I did not think I was going to do that. I have always been fearful of swimming, so for me to swim like that was out of my comfort zone. It was amazing, and I was very proud of myself.
I convinced financial aid to give me more money.. Well, there was a mistake on the FAFSA. The government actually owed me more money with the Pell Grant. It was their mistake and so I looked into it and found out enough information to tell them what happened. I told them about it and I was not sure they would do anything.. They told me they would look into it though.. The next day, I checked my online award and I 500 dollars more in that Pell Grant. It was a "God Thing" because he helped me see the problem and he helped them see it too.
I got a job online.. ChaCha.. It is a service that answers your from your phone. You text them a question and you get a live answer back, usually in about 3 minutes. The people that answer the questions are called Guides. I am a proud ChaCha Guide. I actually earn .20 for every question. I have made 225 dollars since starting a month ago. I am glad I found a way to make extra money because I need every penny I earn. Without this job, I don't think I would have been able to make a deposit for college. So, if you want to, you can use ChaCha and help me go to college. . Also, if you want to become a ChaCha Guide and earn a little extra money answering questions (it can be really fun.. trust me..) leave a comment and I will help you become one. It's really simple and it is worth it.
Hardships-
Not everything this past month and this month has been fun and rewarding.. I have struggled more then I feel I have ever struggled (at least it feels like it.) Finding money for college is so stressful and sometimes I feel as if it is impossible. Sometimes I feel like I drowning in a sea of doubt. Sometimes I don't feel I am working hard enough or doing enough, but I know I am trying my best. Most of the time I just cry because I want this so bad, and I just don't know how I can make it work. I am trusting God with it, but I get scared that this is not where He wants me to me. There are have been so many "God Things" with this college, but things change so fast.. I just hope and pray that He will lead me to where I need to go. I know he will never leave me or abandon me, and it seems like I need him more then ever.
Once again.. I am dreadfully sorry for forgetting about you all.. Just know that I am trying my best and I still care for those who read this..
Talk to ya all later,
Brenna
P.S- I think I might have poison Ivy rash. Sound fun, right? It is..
Sunday, March 23, 2008
Easter Sunday
Hey all!
If you want to listen to some music while you are here, I found some radio stations that you can play right here on this page. I thought that was kind of neat. They also have a TV, but then you would not read my posts. You would be watching TV then. So, I got the TV thing for my self. I put it on my Google page. It is pretty neat how we can do all these things in one spot. It is really anymore simpler then before though? Oooo, I just found a new gadget for my page. It is kind of fun to see what it out there for websites.
So, It is Easter today, and our church had too services. One at 8:30am and 10:30 am. I had to sing for both of them. It was sort of tiring, but it was different. I did not get breakfast before the first service. I had to wait till it was over to eat. Then, I felt much more alive and I think I did better the second time around.
Easter is really special to me, but sometimes I don't understand all the hype over one day. We are supposed to celebrate Jesus everyday. It is good to devote one day to celebrating but it should not be made a once a year thing. Let's celebrate the fact that Christ died for us everyday!
Happy Easter all!
Brenna
If you want to listen to some music while you are here, I found some radio stations that you can play right here on this page. I thought that was kind of neat. They also have a TV, but then you would not read my posts. You would be watching TV then. So, I got the TV thing for my self. I put it on my Google page. It is pretty neat how we can do all these things in one spot. It is really anymore simpler then before though? Oooo, I just found a new gadget for my page. It is kind of fun to see what it out there for websites.
So, It is Easter today, and our church had too services. One at 8:30am and 10:30 am. I had to sing for both of them. It was sort of tiring, but it was different. I did not get breakfast before the first service. I had to wait till it was over to eat. Then, I felt much more alive and I think I did better the second time around.
Easter is really special to me, but sometimes I don't understand all the hype over one day. We are supposed to celebrate Jesus everyday. It is good to devote one day to celebrating but it should not be made a once a year thing. Let's celebrate the fact that Christ died for us everyday!
Happy Easter all!
Brenna
Saturday, March 15, 2008
Is winter over yet?
Do you like my snowman? I make it when the big snowstorm came through where I live. We got about 7 inches. It was pretty crazy, but I was glad to be able to just stay home and enjoy the snow from outside. Well, except when we had to shovel. I really don't like shoveling. My sisters don't mind it, but I would rather do many other things. But while we were outside, we had a snowball fight (where my youngest got my face) and we tried to build a snowman. "It looks more like a mountain," says the youngest. I agree, but it is harder to make those snowmen you see in movies or even down the street. It takes alot of time and I just don't have that much time anymore.
And now I will talk about the things that take up my time.
First, I am trying to apply to scholarships and all that jazz. Oh, it is fun stuff. I turned in the FAFSA, but they need verification so we need to send in our tax returns and W2s. Yes, since I worked last year, I got to file a tax return. I got all 22 dollars back. Oh, well.. It's some money. I used it to buy one of my closest friends a birthday gift. Back to scholarships though.. I have been applying but I have not received any official money yet. This sort of worries me sometimes. I don't have any other place to go if I can't afford my dream college. I don't want to go to a community college. I really think God wants me at this college, but I am having a hard time trusting that He will provide the funds. I just have to have faith and just keep doing what I am doing, I guess.
It has been sort of weird since I have graduated. I just don't know what to do during the day sometimes. I will read, clean my room or just do other things that make me feel productive. And then, telling people I have graduated is sort of weird. A part of me forgets that I graduated early and its not May yet and the other part thinks I am still a senior. I have my diploma now though. I thought it would be bigger but I am still really happy. It is on our fireplace so it is on display. I am pretty proud, but still humbled, knowing that I never thought I could do it. God thought I could though. Sometimes, I am still trying to figure out what the purpose of graduating early is. I probably won't have a job until summer anyway. I don't know.. It's not like I miss high school, but I wish I knew what I was supposed to do now.
Well, I am glad I could find the time to write here. I miss it sometimes. You know what's funny? Every day I think about the things I could write about here, but I don't make the time to actually write them. I would love to just write about everything from college worries to American Idol, but by the time I still down to write them out, I don't do it. It is kind of strange but I guess that is the way I am wired. I think too much.. :)
BTW- About American Idol. My favorites are David A, Brook, David C, Jason C, Carly and Micheal. Wow, that is like half of the top 12. Hehehe. My sister is like the biggest David A fan and she goes nuts on the American Idol message boards. In case you guys don't remember or know who David A is...
Over and Out,
Brenna
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